My mom always said del amor no se vive, one does not live off of love. I always hated when she said that. It sounded so horrible, especially since my idea of romantic love came from the melodramatic Telenovelas I watched in the evenings and the romantic comedies I watched at the movies on the weekend. I always fancied myself one of the heroines, waiting for love to come and sweep me off my feet. And in a way, I was. I waited and waited and waited until I started writing sad poetry about my aging virginity. As a kid I remember going to Toys r Us. This was a pretty big deal in my house because my parents never bought toys. I was allowed to pick something out and I picked out Heartthrob, The Dream Date Game from 1988. It was basically a bunch of centerfold cards or headshots of eligible bachelors, and I’m sure there were rules to the game too, but I never got to play with anyone because I didn’t have friends at that time, and I don’t think I even spoke English, so all I did was look at the cards and pick which boys I liked best solely based on looks. And that is how I would continue to pick boys to like for most of my youth, which is probably why I never had a boyfriend growing up. The “cute” or “cool” boys just weren’t into me. My parents were pretty strict when it came to boys and dating anyway. I wasn’t allowed to go on dates, boys couldn’t call me on the phone, I think? Honestly my parents never said I couldn’t date or have boys call me on the phone, but I assumed as much because anytime any of this came up my parents made me feel ashamed for even thinking about it, or patronized, because how could a child understand the complexities of what a relationship entails? This could of all been something I made up in my head, but there it is. I did not date until college and I did not have a real boyfriend until I was in my 20’s. Valentine's Day has always been a downer, except for my dad. My dad would always be my Valentine. He would bring me a flower or a teddy bear or a balloon, you know, the stuff you can buy from the guy selling them at the stop light. It was cute and thoughtful and my best memories of a contrived holiday that has for the most part just made me feel lonely and unlovable. If he ever brought my mom flowers though she would say, estas se van a morir. Porque no me das el dinero mejor, or “these are going to die why not give me the money instead.” Once he put money in the flowers and she was both happy and insulted. My big generalization is that our ideas and expectations of romantic love will never live up to reality and that this hyped up holiday is not doing anyone any favors, but rather creating more reasons to feel bad about ourselves and our love lives. Have you ever had a good Valentine's? What were your ideas of romantic love before having experienced love? My mother used to say del amor no se vive, one does not live off of love. Did your mom have any of these totally unromantic sayings? Would love to hear from you! XO, Wendy
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My mother has a lot of food related chronic disease. She is a diabetic, has hyper-tension, and most recently, only has about ten percent of kidney function left. She goes to at least four different Doctors every month and takes medication all day long. She has been on a very strict diet for years: no sugar, no salt, only 4oz of protein a day, and little to no potassium which limits so many of the delicious fruits and veggies we all love. Had she been on a healthy diet, one that included fruits and veggies and maybe some form of exercise in middle age, had she had a better connection with her body, or not been so ignorant on nutrition, she may have been able to avoid all of these ailments. Here is the irony in all of this. My mother worked in the food industry, yet knew nothing of the science behind the food she was serving. She cooked for a living for over 20 years and yet, would only cook for her family on the weekends. She was an organized expediter in her professional kitchen, yet could not get it together to organize how she and her family could eat a healthier diet. I ate way too many sandwiches, way too much fast food and soda as a child and it was not okay. My body knew it wasn’t okay to the point trying to become a vegetarian at 14 and asking for “comida verdadera," or real food, daily. But alas, one cannot live off of white rice or iceberg lettuce alone, which is all that was in my house when I was trying to be a vegetarian with no income of my own for better groceries. My food journey has been a long one filled with lots of reading about nutrition, trying out different culinary lifestyles, and eating. Lots of good eating. I have been vegetarian, vegan, pescatarian, back to vegetarian, an extreme carnivore and now an omnivore who tries to eat mostly organic, wild caught, grass-fed, cage free, locally grown and in season. I like to eat and so I like to cook. My big generalization for this week is that we are probably not raising our kids with the same food traditions that we grew up with because so much has changed in the food industry, including how much we know and how aware we are of our bodies. What did you grow up eating? Do you have a food tradition in your family that you are propagating in your own household? Or are you starting new food traditions that are more aligned to your current beliefs? Would love to hear from you! XO, Wendy |
AuthorWendy writes blog posts that turn into conversations for the Mamá Cita Podcast. Archives
May 2021
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