 When we first started this podcast, we knew we were making something special. Something for a niche community: Latina moms, from a certain generation, who also happen to listen to podcasts. Along the way though, we’ve realized that while we are creating a product for a niche community, it can be consumed by everyone because no matter who you are, or where you come from, the truth is that motherhood and the topics related to it, are universal. Plus, you know what else is universal? Laughter and friendship. And if you’ve listened to our podcast at all, you know that these two things are at the core.
Alex and I make a pretty good team. We have danced together, played together and now embarked on learning an entirely new industry, and all of the skills that go with it together. It has been an exhausting and at once exciting endeavor. Exhausting because learning to do something new always is. Exciting because the response, while not representing an exorbitant number, has been a wave of love and positivity, which in the end is the greater sum. We laugh a lot and since we did not set out to create comedy, in fact, we intended well researched, informative and fun, we had no idea that the most repeated comment would be that listeners laugh along with us. The laughter and the shared experience of momming while Latina has resonated with our very special niche community and we are so thankful. You know how they say you learn to be a mom with your first born child? Well, we learned to be mom podcasters with Season 1. And you know how they say by the second child you get it right? Well, same. See you for Season 2! Launch date to be announced. And as always, would love to hear from you! XO, Wendy
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 Kids require an enormous amount of equipment. You have all the gear for sleeping, feeding, transporting, dressing, cleaning and entertaining. Because kids grow so fast, once you are in the never-ending loop of kid stuff, you are kind of stuck in it until they are independent.
It begins with the baby shower. I don’t really know how long the baby shower tradition as we know it has been around, but it is all dumb in my opinion. The only part of the modern day baby shower that I think is genius, is the registering for gifts part and making the guests buy you things from this list. Honestly, without this guided list, my baby would have been born and I would not have had any of the necessary items needed for taking care of a baby. First of all I hate shopping and at that point in my life, I had never been around babies so I really didn’t understand all of the gear that would be needed. I was very fortunate. I got everything on my baby registry and then some. And then the baby, (babies now), kept getting more stuff from well meaning family and friends, who are so lovely and just want to support and bring joy to these children, until the accumulation of kid stuff started taking over the house and one day, I woke up and it looked like a Toys r Us and a Gap Baby had exploded in my house. I was pretty good for a long time about keeping most kid things at bay, but then I had a second baby and now we have kid stuff in every room and it truly stresses me out. I am by no means a hoarder. The opposite in fact. I am constantly donating and getting rid of stuff and still, more stuff just appears. I don’t think I had that much stuff growing up. No, I know that I didn't have that much stuff growing up. This is probably why I also don’t think that much stuff is necessary. I am two kids in and the most useful items have been:
Most useless
Honestly, the useless list can go on and on, but that's just me. I just don't like having that much stuff. How do you keep the kid's stuff from taking over your house? What items have you found to be the most useful? Which were the least useful? Would love to hear from you! XO, Wendy  Mother’s Day is this weekend and we thought that it would be interesting to discuss the complexities of the mother daughter relationship. Then, we actually thought about it and decided that maybe therapy should come first before we let ourselves fall deep into the emotional well, that is our own relationships with our mothers. I mean, really, we started this podcast as a creative way to talk shit about our mothers and the way they parented us. It was to be a converter of sad and traumatic events into comedy. We are only 20 episodes in, and while we are no longer just talking shit about our mothers, we are definitely not in a place to really delve into our mommy issues.
So… I poured us a cocktail and we decided to watch Bad Moms instead. Alex had never seen it and I really did not remember it. We laughed. Alex cried. We loved the moral of the story. Basically, this movie reminds us that we are all “bad moms.” The perfect mom is an unattainable illusion. The expectations placed on mothers are ridiculous. If we buy into these ideals of what motherhood is supposed to look like, we will never be good enough and always be unhappy. Let’s face it, this whole model of perfection and unrealistic expectations is placed in all the roles inherent to women. We are supposed to be perfect at everything, our jobs, our relationships, at home, as mothers, and look perfect while doing it all and having it all. After watching the movie and grazing the surface on some of the mommy issues that came up for us while we watched, we concluded that on mother’s day, along with accepting presents and praise, we should also practice a little bit of self-love. Let’s practice being nicer to ourselves. Let’s practice being patient with ourselves. Let’s allow ourselves to make mistakes and not be perfect. Let’s allow the “bad mom” in us all to emerge, show us how to have fun again and put the “priorities” into perspective. We are so, so, hard on ourselves. Let Mother’s Day be the beginning of a newer and kinder relationship with ourselves. How will you celebrate Mother's Day? How will you practice being kinder and more patient with yourself? Would love to hear from you! XO, Wendy  The allure of a quinceañera for teenage girls is the stuff, the attention and the feeling of collective adoration from their family and friends. Is it an outdated tradition with misogynistic roots? Yes, completely. Will it ever go out of style? No, I don’t think so.
The quinceañera is not just a party or a debut into society for a young lady of marriageable age. It is an industry with lots of stakeholders comparable to the wedding industry. Because let’s be honest here, a quinceañera and a wedding have way more similarities than differences. And just like weddings, quinceañeras are here to stay. People love a party and a quinceañera is a party on crack. There is church, a procession, pageantry, synchronized dancing, and of course, glamour and drama. It is the stuff that literally movies, documentaries, and TV shows are made of and have been made of. For this week’s podcast we interview Jesse Garcia, the star of Quinceañera, the movie from 2006. This movie was released when I was working as a choreographer for a company called Sueños de Quinceañera. I did not have a quince. I had never even been to a quince before starting to choreograph for them. This job, this movie, and all of the subsequent shows like My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV, were my indoctrination into an a segment of Latino teen life that I had not been aware of. We talked with Jesse a little bit about quinceañeras, but mostly we talked about the movie. Enjoy! Did you have a quinceañera? Will your daughter(s) have one? Would love to hear from you! XO, Wendy  When I was pregnant for the first time the advice that I received the most was to get sleep because I was never going to sleep again. I was already a mom to two fur babies who woke me up constantly in the middle of the night so I didn’t really take this advice too seriously. And the thing is that no matter what advice you get, what books you read, what mother adjacent experience you may have had, nothing can prepare you for the realities of becoming a first time mom. It is just impossible to comprehend until you live it and see how your body, your mind and I dare say your soul, will react. It is an intense and difficult transition and it is all encompassing especially at the very beginning, so it isn’t until you kind of feel like you have the hang of it, that you can even recall who you were before you became a mom.
I am deep into motherhood. Almost 6 years and 2 kids later, and I am seeing the fog lift. I used to be someone totally different. I loved that person. I loved that life. I miss her sometimes. I’m on team hashtag no regrets over here because becoming a mother was all part of the plan, but hey, I’m only human. Of course I miss some of the things that I took for granted before having kids. Here is a list in no particular order: 1. Real uninterrupted sleep and sleeping in till whenever I wanted on the weekends. 2. Loud crazy sex. I co-sleep and this is no longer an option unless I want to wake up and scare the baby… 3. Eating leisurely and not having to think about cooking various meals to accommodate the kid’s picky eating habits of the week. 4. Being able to be spontaneous. Freedom! Only answering to myself! 5. Going out to adult places and doing adult activities. I get to do this sometime, but not very much. We always have to accommodate the kids. 6. Watching adult TV and movies. Kiss anything rater R or PG-13 even goodbye. I didn’t sleep train so my kids are watching whatever I watch. I know, my bad. 7. Just being me and my husband in the house. The quiet, the solitude, the just-the-two-of-us-ness of it. 8. Being able to wear whatever I want and staying clean throughout the day. Kids are gross is all I’m saying. 9. Getting ready leisurely. I’m the last to get ready and by then I’m stressed and flustered. 10. Quiet time to binge read a book. Quiet in general. Oh, the constant talking sometimes kills me! 11. Being uninterrupted. I. Literally. Cannot. Finish. A. Sentence. 12. The luxury of only having to think about myself. This! 13. The luxury of wasting time. If I had only known then what I know now. Sigh. Moral of the story is, life changes when you have a kid. (Duh) You will never know how it will change you for better or worse, until you experience it. Good luck out there first time mommas! What are some of the things you miss from your pre-mom days? Knowing what you know now, what advice would you give your pre-mom self? Would love to hear from you! XO, Wendy  Alex and I both have bicultural children. We are always trying to figure out how to instill in them the cultural traditions and cultural identity that we grew up with. It’s hard. Our kids are growing up in a different world. One in which we have to re-educate ourselves regarding terms like Latinidad.
I like the word Latinidad because to me it sounds very similar to La Unidad, unity. But apparently I am totally wrong about this because as I’ve researched this term and have learned about how it has been used, I have come to realize that it is just another umbrella term that does not quiet encompass the diversity that exists in the Latin American diaspora. This umbrella term just assumes that we are the same type of demographic and this could not be further from the truth. Politicians, marketers, content creators want to speak to us and appeal to us because we are a fast growing population who will soon be approaching our peak earning years. Having a term like Latino, makes it easy for them, the people in power, the patriarchy, however you want to call it, to put a very diverse population into a very neat little box. The real question here is: is it easier on us to be or become Latinos in the US or is it just another confusing term of identity we have to adapt to and learn to be a part of? Honestly it’s both easier and confusing. It is easy in the sense that I can just say that I am Latina and most people know what I am talking about, and what that kind of sort of means. Latino/a/x provides a point of reference mainstream America understands. It is more confusing though because it is added layer of identity. I have to be from my country of origin. I have to be American. I also have to be this hybrid Latino in the US that is a little bit of this and a little bit of that, depending on where in the US I reside. If it is confusing for me, imagine how it is for my kids who happen to also be bicultural. This is my challenge as a mom. How will I teach my children about all of the spaces that they inhabit? How do you explain Latinidad to your kids? Is this a term you identify with? Would love to hear from you! XO, Wendy  One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was make mom friends. I am being very deliberate about not just saying friends, because a mom friend is very specific. A mom friend is someone you can go through motherhood with. A mom friend is an ally, a confidant, an ear, and a fellow soldier in the trenches.
I was one of the first to have a baby in my friend circle. I knew nothing about babies, or baby things. Out of sheer luck, a childhood friend, who had already had a baby, moved back to our hometown, where I still lived, and she walked me through what it felt like to be a mother. She drove me to the big box baby store and showed me all of the things that I would need. She helped me to understand the vast transition that I was about to go through. And even with her being so kind, generous of her time and thorough, I still was not prepared for what motherhood would feel like to me. Not gonna lie, this transition was rough. My son came into the world via emergency c-section, he was 2 weeks old when we move to another county, my husband started a new job, my parents moved in with us, being a first time mom was not what I was expecting and I for sure had postpartum depression. We went through a huge upheaval in our lives. I was suddenly in a new place, living another life and had no friends. I don’t know how I managed to do this, but I gave myself a mission: to find mom friends. I joined every mom group I could find nearby. I went to every parent and child class that I could attend. I saw other moms, saw how they interacted with their babies, and I talked and asked a ton of questions. These groups helped me become more comfortable in my role as a mother, helped me feel more comfortable in my new community, helped our new multigenerational family become better acclimated. These groups were a blessing. And while I did not make the type of mom friends that I was looking for at that time, you know, the fellow Mamacitas that would day drink with me at the park while we shit talked about the crazy things our kids did, the groups were a wonderful resource. My son is almost 6 and I have a second child now. My close friends did eventually start having kids and I did eventually find a mom friend group in my new community. My world has grown immensely. And while I have always said that I am not good at making new friends, I proved to myself during one of the hardest times in my life, that I can. That I could. That I did. What was your experience making mom friends? Do you think having mom friends is important? What do you think the benefits of having a mom friend group have been for you? Would love to hear from you! XO, Wendy  In the 1990’s there was what the media dubbed the Latin explosion, referencing pop artists such as Ricky Martin, J-Lo and Marc Anthony who were successfully doing cross over albums. I remember my teenage self thinking finally, we (Latinos) have arrived. But as it happens with most trends, the idea of the Latin explosion was fleeting.
It wasn’t until recently that I started noticing more Spanish language programming on Netflix, and then learned about the conscious efforts of said company to appeal to and coerce more Latino viewership that I thought to myself, ok Latinos must be trending once again. But now that we are popular again, are these bigger entities political, commercial and the media, that are trying to coerce us into backing their ideas, purchasing their products, or following their brands, going to do us justice or will they just perpetuate stereotypes that the the mainstream culture is comfortable with? Will we finally get a chance to be real people living in the US with universal problems or will we still be portrayed as two-dimensional caricatures? In the past, the representation of Latino women in the media has been extremely stereotypical at best. We have been portrayed as the sex pot, the maid, the gangster or as immigrants that cannot speak English, or speaks English with an accent. And while I admit that all stereotypes are founded in some truth, and that we all know one of these archetypes in our own circles, what is missing is everyone else in between. Real, complex, complicated, people that straddle and navigate both worlds with ease and distress. All I’m saying is that if the powers that be want to appeal to the Latin market and get the Latina experience right, they should check in with real Latinos from all walks of life. They may learn that we have more similarities than differences and that the part about being Latino can just be descriptive and not necessarily all defining. What are some stereotypes of the Latina woman or mom that you’ve encountered in the media? Do you see yourself accurately represented? What would you like to see in the portrayal of Latina women and moms in the media? Would love to hear from you! XO, Wendy  There is a story about my childhood that goes something like this. I am a baby and I am crying without consolation. In modern times, this would be considered colic. In the olden days, my mother was told that I had been given the evil eye. Whether it was done intentionally by a jealous friend, or unintentionally by a passerby that just had la mirada muy fuerte, or a strong gaze, is unbeknownst to me. The solution to my colic, err, evil eye, was to have someone rub an egg all over my body. The idea was that the egg would suck up the evil eye magic that was making me cry. After they had rubbed this salmonella covered egg all over my tiny baby body, they cracked the egg. The yolk was dirty, and so the magic had worked. I was evil eye free! After that my mother was advised to put a bracelet made of gold and red beads on me to prevent this from ever happening again.
Who was this person that performed the evil eye ritual, who knows? Was she paid? Most certainly but who knows how much? She must have been the town curandera or bruja, or witch doctor, or whatever you prefer. The point is that my mother believed so wholeheartedly as to put her baby in the hands of this “trusted” stranger? Our lives are filled with so many superstitions. Even today, when we consider ourselves more educated because of the advancements in science and technology, we partake in superstitious rituals "just in case." These rituals are a way to make us feel like we have control over what is often times uncontrollable, like luck, love, and the opinion of others, to name a few. What are some superstitions you grew up with? Do you find that these superstitions are true or provide comfort or a sense of control? Are you passing down these superstitions to your kids? Would love to hear from you! XO, Wendy  In the Latina motherhood system the seven deadly sins are considered especially heinous. In Southern California, the dedicated podcasters who confess these scandalous stories are members of an elite squad known as the Mamá Cita Podcast.
These are their stories. But all joking aside, at my son’s school they ask the kids “are you making good choices?” so that they will take a moment before acting. In some of the very dumb situations I have put myself in, I wish I would have had this type of question ingrained in me. I have been a very cautious and conscientious person, but even then, I have definitely committed all of the seven deadly sins, to various degrees of course. I acknowledge that it is only out of sheer luck that I am alive today to share the stories of my questionable decisions with my children. What are some things you’ve done that you hope your kids will never do? Do you have actual regrets about these actions? Will you be open and share your questionable decisions with your kids in the hopes that they will do better? Would love to hear from you! XO, Wendy |
AuthorWendy writes blog posts that turn into conversations for the Mamá Cita Podcast. Archives
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